I’m not one to generalise so maybe I’ll scale back the whole of “vs Australia” to just my family. One might say my family is a bit cold, unaffectionate, unromantic (that’s a word right?) anyway my sister and brother get a kiss once a year at their birthday (it’s awkward but I still do it). They miss out at Christmas because shit is happening, food is a priority and there’s no time for kisses and cuddles.
On the other hand my fiancé, Claudio (which of course we shorten to Claud, said like cloud in the sky. We half pronounce his name in a Spanishy sounding way. The first part is meant to sound like Cloud, but we stuff up the end part, the ‘io’. The ‘O’ on the end should sound similar to how we hear the letter ‘O’ in more, like an ‘or’ sound, but instead, for some odd reason we say the ‘O’ like how Santa say ‘Ho Ho Ho’, and this way has just stuck. I mean imagine me introducing him to friends, “Hi Megs, Mike, how you goin? This is Clou – di orr”!!!” They’d be thinking righto, she’s been with him how long and the accents already rubbing off? …… similar to Australians who visit the US for three months and start saying bananas and tomatoes all weird
Anyway….. Claud is a kisser, to anyone and everyone he meets, and to me this is just plain old weird. He also loves holding hands (even in the supermarket) and his favourite form of affection, is cuddling (yes the things you give to small children, puppy dogs and teddy bears). He’s just not happy unless he’s reached his quota of cuddles for the day, which is around 17.
Now today was 32 or so degrees in Melbourne, it was hot and stuffy and as I arrived home from work and headed up the stairs to the top living area of my home it continued to get hotter. I was then met by Claud and there he was, big smile and arms opened wide and announces “It’s CuddleS Time” (for starters Claud, it’s cuddle, it’s not plural – ESL stories to come, and secondly it’s 4000 degrees, why on earth would I want a cuddle???) So I smile ever so politely and without a hint of sarcasm tell him how it was the exact thing I wanted right now. My cuddles are like these weird ones where you try to cuddle with arms and shoulders only, you know when your bum sticks out weird because whatever happens you don’t want your chest or any other part of your body to get too close, hold it for around 1.5-2 seconds and then to acknowledge that the cuddle has finished give a little tap on the back and step away. Of course this is never enough and he gives me another four of those mini cuddles in a row. So really I should just start giving him a good 6 second cuddle instead.
After I’ve had enough and try to come up with an excuse as to why I don’t need anymore cuddles, it’s usually met with one of the following responses:
“It’s never to hot for cuddles” (I beg to differ, if I have sweat running down my back then it’s too bloody hot for cuddles)
“Your so unromantic” that’s unrrromantic with three R’s and the tongue rolled … (Ah yes true, my idea of being romantic is cooking you crumbed cutlets for dinner followed by my secret recipe allens red frogs – diced fine and Cadbury chocolate chunk muffins)
“With love, cuddle me with love” ( what are you talking about? it’s a bloody cuddle, stop complicating it by throwing in the word love)
There are times when I’m willing to give out cuddles, when I’m in bed, it’s 4 degrees outside and my feet are like cold bricks, THEN I am more then happy for “CuddleS Time”. Apparently this doesn’t count, “ahh noooooooor (no pronounced like door with a N) you just using me”. I quickly win this battle with “you’re, it’s you’re, not ‘you’ Claud, far out!!”
CuddleS Time over!!!
Left image: the Love muffin
Top right: Being romantic just comes so naturally
Bottom right: master chef in action…no pre-bought cutlets here thank-you very much